Whoa nelly, stop right here and listen Linda! Before you pass judgement too quickly, this podcast episode is not a rant or complaining. It is intended to be purely funny and give soon to be parents a behind the scenes glimpse of what is really in store for you. So, with that I give you a list of 10 things that stink about being a parent.
Alright, so in today’s day in age, I feel that we all need a little humor and what better way to provide that then through discussing things that stink about being a parent. Yes, parenthood is blissful, wonderful, challenging, and all around a big blessing. However, there are times when it is less than wonderful and we get to talk about those today.
Number 1: The Big Blowout
I know you’re thinking it can’t be that bad. Haha. I pray that you never get one like I did with my daughter before dropping her off at daycare. I was sitting in the lot because I liked to get to the center early and all of a sudden I smell something. Aria was asleep in her car seat, so I got out to check on her. I didn’t see any visible you know what so I gently unbuckled her car seat and lifted her out. Whoa baby! Not only was it a blowout, but it was the blowout of the century. Not only did her clothes need to be changed but it was all over the back of her car seat cover. I quickly got her cleaned up. Note to new parents, keep some plastic groceries bags in your car for such emergencies. I then held her for the rest of the time until the daycare opened. Once I got to my school I took the cover off of the car seat and washed it out. I pray this never happens to you but I would be lying if I said that this was the one and only time that Aria had a massive blowout. She has graced us with a blowout at Target, right before her doctor’s appointment (that was fun), and at a funeral. Haha these things are bound to happen and once you have your first experience you tend to be better prepared for others.
Number 2: Your makeup will become free range
“Who’s lipstick is that? And why would you put it on your eyelids?” Your makeup will never be the same and god bless you if you use waterproof anything. That stuff really is waterproof and will make you feel like you are going to rub your babies skin off. I always kept my makeup on the sink countertop. That was until recently. I was in the kitchen making dinner and I thought Aria was in the living room playing. Ha that was a good joke. I peaked into the living and she was no where to be found. I found her in my bathroom, my makeup all across the floor, and her with all kinds of makeup on her face. Lipstick around her eye lids, bronzer all over her forehead, concealer around her lips. The list goes on and on, you get the picture. It was like one of those videos from AFV, but it was also my nightmare. Trying to get it off of her gentle toddler face. Needless to say, I learned a very important lesson that day about not leaving things out where she could use her step stool to get to them.
Number 3: Baby farts will make everyone think it is you
I guess I should have put this one after number one because they go hand and hand. Honestly, Aria always had the worst timing for some of her most deadliest farts. I remember one specifically when we were at a restaurant, Olive Garden to be precise. Picture this, we had just gotten our food and of course people are packed in around us because it is the busiest time of day. That’s when Aria let’s one rip that could make a bodybuilder embarrassed. Then everyone starts looking at us like on of us did it because nothing that raunchy could ever come out of a sweet little baby. She has let an SPDer go in Walmart, when we had handed her over to friends and family members, and at birthday parties.
Number 4: Washable Markers are not washable
I learned this the hard way. I thought I was being mother of the year and bought Aria her first set of markers. They were a name brand and said washable in really big letters on the front. I loaded the table up with all different colors of paper, handed Aria the markers, and we set to work creating. Little did I know that Aria would think markers make the perfect nail polish, and tattoo ink. I kid you not one second we were drawing on the paper and having a great time. The next second I was looking at my kid who looked like she had lost a battle dying eyes. So, we went to the sink to wash up. Haha little did I know that it wouldn’t be that easy. I must have scrubbed my own hands forever and still had some little dots on my hands. Poor Aria would go to daycare the next day looking like she was turning in the Hulk because as try as I might that marker was not going anywhere.
Number 5: Some kids shows these days make me think why didn’t I think of that
Oi! There is this one show that Aria loves watching that is torture for Jeremiah and me. It is so painful to watch. Just thinking about it makes brain hurt. Jeremiah and I just watch it in pure and utter amazement that this show has been on tv for as long as it has. There is really no plot to the show and the opening song is painful. But, Aria likes so we will tolerate it until she finds another interest. Another one of her favorite shows has a British accent. I enjoy that one because sometimes the British accent sneaks up on Jeremiah and he ends up talking like that for a while.
Number 6: You think you have fashion sense, but not according to a toddler
I obviously have no fashion sense when it comes to dressing Aria. Every outfit I pick out is met with a No! So you let your toddler pick and they end up dressing themselves in a bath suit, sweatpants, a sweater, and rain boots. No lie that is what she dressed herself in yesterday to go and get the mail. I believe I lost this battle when she was 15 months old. She would push away every outfit I would pick out until I gave her a choice. I also believe that I have shirts and pants in her closet that haven’t been worn yet because every time I suggest them she turns her nose up. Oh the joys of having a girl. I wonder if boys are as bad. If you have a son let me know.
Number 7: Adult shows? What are those?
So one of my best friends got me hooked on Netflix mostly because I wanted to watch some trashy adult tv and see what all the hype was about. Haha my first mistake was actually thinking I get to watch tv unless I stay up late after she goes to bed. I think I started one episode of The Ranch and I maybe got to watch 10 minutes if that of it. That was before Aria, who was in her room playing with her kitchen, came running out at top speed saying my shows momma, my shows please. Well, I wasn’t about to argue with her because she did say please after all. So I asked her what she wanted to watch and we ended up watching two Tinkerbell movies. Now, you might ask did you ever get back to watching your shows. Ha that’s a big NOPE. After two movies, she then found something else on Netflix that caught her attention and has been watching those non stop. I will eventually get to watch my shows again, sometime, maybe.
Number 8: No more snacks for yourself
Ah remember the good ole days when you could go to the kitchen, grab a bag of chips and a drink, and come back to the couch to enjoy your snacks without having to share with anyone. Yeah, those days are gone. Haha. It is sharing 24/7 at my house. And you might just lose a hand if you have corn curls, bbq chips, or peanut m&ms to snack on. This girl loves those and I’m not talking about me. Haha. On a different note, if you don’t have any snacks but are sitting on the coach beside her, she will eventually end up sprawled across your lap, standing behind you, twirling and twisting your hair while you pray she doesn’t get it in one big knot because the virus has every hair salon shut down and you have video conference calls and do not want to look like a wreck. Haha Or bouncing up and down on top of you while you are trying to enjoy watching whatever latest show she has picked but is not interested in anymore. However, don’t you dare change it because she will then become engrossed in it.
Number 9: Watching the same movie on repeat with be your new hobby
This goes hand in hand with number 8. I have lost track of how many times I have watched Frozen 2, Moana, Tinkerbell, and Boss Baby. Those movies plus others are on constant repeat so much that Jeremiah and I know all the words and songs by heart. If you knew my husband you would know that he doesn’t look like the type to belt it out especially to Disney songs, but he does. I have tried to get proof but have failed every time. Aria also has her own music station through Amazon that she can listen to whenever she wants to dance, which is you guessed it, all the time. That station is also filled with every Disney song from the movies I mentioned and more. So we are one big Disney dance party here, stop on over if you want to join but hide your snacks well. Haha.
Number 10: Chasing a half naked baby around will be your exercise
Yeah, let that sink in. Little did I know that I would say the word naked on my podcast but it is true. I don’t know how many times Jeremiah or I have taken Aria in to change her and she has run away from us throughout the house. I would be lying to say it’s not funny because it is hilarious. To be chasing a little mini version of yourself, running around, laughing mischievously as you try to wrangle her down to get a pair of underwear on. If I ever felt more like the Crocodile Hunter it would be in those instances.
I hope this episode put a smilie on your face because I know I had a huge smile on my face the whole time I was recording. Most importantly, I want to say that although it sounds terrible, being a mother is one of my greatest blessing. I love every moment and every stage. I have loved helping my child grow and develop. If that is something that you would like to do to please click here and sign up for my free ebook on how to help your child develop.
Guys, I have had so much fun on this episode and I hope you have too. 10 Things That Stink About Being A Parent is sure going to be one that you are going to want to share with your besties. Be sure to leave me a review and I will read some of your reviews on the next episode. If you would like to join my Facebook page you can click here. As always, love on those babies and I will see you back here soon!